The Pervasive Myth About Women Who Rise to the Top In Business

I love talking about courage, but I have my non-courageous moments too. We all do. But there’s something that can rob a lot of women of their confidence in the corporate world and other workspaces.

Today, I discuss what this pervasive myth is, where it comes from, and how you can address it.

4:08 - How this conversation about courage came up

5:24 - What it often looks like when a woman doesn’t want to be labeled “promiscuous”

7:46 - Severing the “Mean Girls” connection from high school as an adult

9:50 - The difference between what masculine and feminine energy brings to work spaces

11:41 - How your current self differs from the teenage version of you regarding confidence

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Transcript for The Pervasive Myth About Women Who Rise to the Top In Business

Hey boss, I am Leslie Lyons, your embodied leadership and sales coach, and this is Pleasurable Profits. This podcast is ideal for owners and leaders of tattoo shops, permanent makeup studios, cannabis businesses, movement studios, sex toy shops, and other industries that are too often left out of the leadership conversation. If you’re looking for a woo meets strategy approach to defining your strengths and values, designing a business that supports you, and creating a soul-driven, and of course, pleasurable plan for profitability, then let’s get started.

Hey boss, the moment you've been waiting for, I am opening the waitlist to my Unshakable Sales Confidence Program. It's time for you to learn how to advocate for your work so you can get paid what you deserve. Look, I'm going to help you to dismantle any misconceptions and dismantle any nasty narratives that you have around selling.

I'm going to give you the tools that you need to confidently harness and stand in your unique selling style. Some of these tools are going to be woo. I'm going to give you a heads-up now. But you know I don't play around. It's going to be chock full of strategy so that you can go out and confidently ask for the sale so that you can make more money.

It’s going to feel good. That is why I sell so easily because I only sell things that feel good to me and play into my strengths. When you know what your selling strengths are, and we combine that with the power of coming up with great selling stories, you will be unstoppable. If you know you need some help in this area, if you know that you are hesitant to pick up the phone, you're wanting to be more confident in sales conversations, this is the program for you.

You can get more info. The link will be in the show notes but it's beunshakeable.co. All right, my loves, let's jump into today's episode and I will talk to you soon.

Hey, party people. It’s Leslie, your embodied sales and leadership coach. Hey, how you doing? I am sitting here on the eve of my 20-day sabbatical. I am super excited and nervous too. I've been on all types of trips. We go on vacations all the time by God's grace, but I've never taken a completely unplugged from my business sabbatical and I'm going by myself. By the time you guys hear this, I'll be back, way back by the end, but yeah, so I'm just a little bit nervous. You guys know I'm always talking about courage. I just want to let you know, I have non-courageous moments too, y’all.

But I'm excited. I'm sure I'll give some updates about what I did, what I learned, and all the beautiful things while I was gone. Back to the business at hand. How y'all doing? I didn't get your response. You're doing okay? Not doing all right? But what is changing, it’s fall here in Chicago so the trees are absolutely gorgeous. The change of the seasons, I always say I wouldn't miss it. But when I see fall and the leaves changing, I'm always like, “I probably would miss this because it is super beautiful.” But they don't matter. I'm still moving to someplace warm. Enough talking about me.

Today, I want to talk a little bit about things that rob women of their confidence. I've done episodes like this before, but this is a new one and this one came up for me when I was having a conversation with my teenage niece. For those of you who don't know, I have four nieces. All of them are teenagers or preteens, so super close to being teenagers. They're in that awkward stage where people's opinions matter a lot, to be shunned, to be separated, to be different. It’s like the kiss of death, they're in that phase.

I try to give them what I didn't have when I was that age, which was somebody just to remind you that you might not even know these people in a few years, this doesn't matter. Self confidence, where does it come from? How are you validating yourself? What do you bring to the table other than flawless skin and flat bellies, all the things that they think are really important right now.

As I was talking to my nieces about that, I really just fast forwarded to some of the conversations that I've heard, and how that little wounded teenage girl can be showing up in your business as it relates to having confidence to lead and to sell. One of the things that is probably one of the most dreaded things that can happen to a teenage girl is for her reputation to be ruined. You all know what I'm talking about. Hopefully, it didn't happen to you, but if it did, you really know.

I don't think it happened to me. But I definitely know what happened to a friend of mine. I just wanted to take a minute and think but it's really for someone just to accuse you of being sexually promiscuous when you haven't been. That's the thing. I'm like, “If you don't call me a-hole, let me do a-hole stuff.” can I at least get the flaunt of being, “Oh, don't call me something and I ain’t even done it.” I’m so wild.

But the truth of the matter is, that is so out there for some women, just that I don't ever want someone to think that I use my sexuality, my sexy, or my sexual magnetism, whatever you want to call it, to get ahead somehow, because it’s that nagging voice of “Ooh, your name and phone number can be written in the bathroom stall at your Fortune 500 company.”

What does that look like? You’re probably like, “Leslie, what are you talking about?” Let me zero in. When we take that wounded teenage girl, the threat of being promiscuous, label promiscuous in high school into adult life, that looks like you are flatlining your sensuality, your sexuality, how you present in corporate spaces.

It means, let me just bottom line it, you looking like a man and you’re a woman. You’re wearing clothes that are not flattering or fitting. You're not wearing makeup. You're not doing your hair because ain't nobody going to sexualize you and they're going to take you seriously. People are going to know that any promotion you've gotten, any deals that you've sold, any business you've brought in, you've brought it in because you were smart, not because you slipped your way to the top.

There is a song by BANKS called Slipped Away to the Top. I think I need to play it for y'all so you can hear it. But that's really the threat. It's the same threat that I'm talking to my nieces about in high school. The threat that if you are attractive, because that was always the thing, the girls who got labeled that in high school, think about this, let's go back and really think about this. I know for some of us, this is a while back, I was in high school in 1990. But think about it. Typically girls whose reputations were ruined or there were shots thrown at them, it was because they were attractive and girls were jealous. That was the mean girls’ way to bring them down a notch was to threaten their reputation.

Fast forward to you being an adult, there are mean girls at your job. There are people who want to believe that you could not have gotten ahead on your brains alone, on your skills alone. I get it. I truly get it. But you're not that 16-year-old girl anymore. We know powerfully, when I dress up, meaning when I feel cute, I put on a little bit of makeup, I've got on clothes that fit me properly, I'm feeling jazzy, you can't tell me anything, that's the energy that I bring to business. That's what they tell you if you're not feeling up, especially those of us who have been working from home, those of us who are entrepreneurs and our office is in our home, it's easy to sit around in your sweatpants all day, in your yoga pants and do business.

But it's something different when you put on a cute outfit and put on some makeup. It raises your vibration, it raises your energy because when you look good, you feel good, and when you feel good, that shows up on sales calls, that shows up in how you interact with your team. That energy is heightened when you feel good. Don't let the fear of you being cute, somehow somebody is going to not take you seriously.

Second of all, when you're dealing with men, masculine energy, I should just say that masculine energy that you project is going to be met with masculine energy. What does that mean? Masculine energy or toxic masculine energy, because that can be in women or men, so it's not just men, that's why I changed it to masculine energy, toxic masculine energy means unhealthy competition. It means aggression.

If you show up where you've toned down your sexuality, you've toned down your sexy, your magnetism to a level that it feels very masculine, know that masculine is going to meet masculine and a lot of times, that's what women hate about corporate spaces. They hate the competitiveness of it. They hate that energy, that cutthroat energy, but that's what you get. Masculine energy begets masculine energy.

I wonder what can be possible for us as female leaders, as women in sales, what could be possible if we just really stepped into our feminine energy, because what does feminine energy bring to spaces? Think about it. It brings calm, it brings clarity. It brings safety. That safety is that nurturing feeling, like people feel safe coming to you, they feel safe talking to you. We know that getting ahead in business is often how we make people feel. It's not just what we can do for people, it’s how we make them feel.

As a woman, we have those superpowers just innately built in for us to bring those to our business deals. But when we flatline it, when we suppress it, because we feel like it's not safe for us to show up in our full femininity, because somebody's going to label us, they can write our name on the wall with a phone number, it robs you of being able to stand in your power. There is power in your piece. That's what I want you to think about. There is power in your confidence.

Put also lipstick, put on a form-fitting outfit, something that you feel good in. Don't worry about these little mean girls and little shallow men. Because here's the difference, you're not 16, you're a grown woman. If someone crosses a line with you, if someone looks to belittle you, you have a voice, use it. You know how to correct people. Don't let 16-year-old you keep 60-year-old you from going after your dreams in a way that feels pleasurable to you.

I hope this helps. I hope this made sense. I hope that you are willing to be cute and powerful. I'm hoping that you will show a little cleavage, show a little hips, and still close all the deals in the world. Not because of how you look but because of how you feel. All right, my loves, until next time. You be great. Grace and peace.

Thank you for listening to today's episode. I just want to remind you that I've opened the waitlist for my Unshakable Sales Confidence Program. Head on over to beunshakeable.co. But if you know that you need some support around selling, specifically around mustering up the confidence to go after the money you deserve, this program is going to be for you. Jump on the list now. People who get on the list early will get access to special pricing and bonuses when I open the doors. Head on over to beunshakeable.co and I will see you next week. Grace and peace.